Girls Only: Ask Dr. M: Friends

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Dr. M is the author of five advice books, including Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? How to Have Fun, Survive the Preteen Years, and Remain True to Yourself, both written with her teenage daughter. Dr. M shares this advice column with Molly, a middle school student who loves to play soccer, dance, write and spend time with her friends.

Read more questions and answers in these categories:

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>	Boys

>	Family

>	Feelings

>	Friends

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Dear Dr. M,
I know one of my friends is stealing things from my locker because I saw all of my stuff in her backpack. I don't want to tell. What should I do?

—Danielle, 11, California


	Dear Danielle, There are lots of reasons a friend might steal—she envies your possessions, she's angry with you about something, or she has an emotional problem and feels compelled to steal. But none of these explanations will make you feel better about being betrayed by someone you trusted. If you're sure you saw your stuff in her backpack, let her know that you noticed that she had "borrowed" some of your stuff without telling you about it. Give her a chance to give them back. And try to keep your locker more secure in the future. If your friend keeps stealing, you might need to tell your parents or a teacher who can help your friend deal with her problem.


	Dear Danielle, Instead of telling on your friend, talk to her yourself. Ask her if she knows where your stuff went. If she says she didn't take it or doesn't know where it is, mention that you thought you saw it in her backpack. There's always the possibility that it was a mistake or misunderstanding. Tell her that it's okay for her to borrow some of your things as long as she asks you first and gives them back. Your friend will be more likely to give your stuff back if you ask her nicely. If things don't turn out well when you talk to your friend, then you should talk to a teacher or guidance counselor about the situation, and you should change the lock on your locker.

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