Girls Only: Ask Dr. M: Family

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Dr. M is the author of five advice books, including Getting to Know the Real You: 50 Fun Quizzes Just for Girls, and Girls: What's So Bad About Being Good? How to Have Fun, Survive the Preteen Years, and Remain True to Yourself, both written with her teenage daughter. Dr. M shares this advice column with Molly, a middle school student who loves to play soccer, dance, write and spend time with her friends.

Read more questions and answers in these categories:

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>	Boys

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Dear Dr. M and Liz,
I have six older brothers that are a lot older than me and I have one little sister that is just a year younger. Every time our family talks about us we are always "the girls." "The girls did this" even if it was just my sister that did it so we both get punished. How do I get my own identity?

—Kara, 12, Minnesota


	Dear Kara, Ask your brothers whether they'd like to be referred to as "the boys," as if they were all one big blob. The next time someone in your family refers to you and your sister as "the girls," use that occasion to remind everyone that you really need to have your own identity—that your name is Kara, and you are only responsible for what you do, not what your sister does. Use your assertive voice, not an angry one, to get your message across.


	Dear Kara, It must be difficult to live with so many children. If you are feeling that you are always associated with your sister, tell your parents how you feel. Say to them that you sometimes feel that you are an independent person. You are different from your sister, and you don't want them to call you "the girls." Ask politely, and they will probably stop. Most likely they don't realize what they are doing—it is just natural for them.

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